Episode 1: The Fellowship of the Maverick
YouTube Links:
Part 1: Episode 1 (Part 1/2)Part 2: Episode 1 (Part 2/2)
PART 1
Voiceover: A filthy city mired in crime. Murder, drug
dealing and teabagging rampant on the streets – going unpunished by a police
force unable to cope. The Police Commissioner decided to create the – the Elite
Crime Unit – full of the finest of the force, the cream of the cream. The new team would come to be known as …
Maverick Squad. Episode 1: The Fellowship of the Maverick. The Police
Commissioner and the Chief of police met to select the new team.Commish: Chief Clayton, crime is out of control in this city.
Chief: Well, Commissioner Thompson, I wouldn’t say that.
Commish: Really? I can’t help but think crime is out of
control.
Chief: No, crime is under control. Controlled by the
criminals though.
Commish: Chief Clayton, we can’t go on like this. Look at
these newspaper headlines – drugs are everywhere, people are living in fear. And
worst of all – I could lose my job. But I have an idea for how we can put this
city right.
Chief: More money
would be good. That way I put on more police and buy better equipment.
Commish: No – that’s not going to work. We desperately
need an elite squad to clean up the city. It’s filthy out there. But that’s the
Sanitation Commissioners’ problem. To fight crime we need an elite flying squad
of hand-picked police officers. An elite group to strike directly at the heart
of crime – the Elite Crime Unit – the ECU. I’ve saved you the time of picking the team.
Here are the dossiers of the six men and women I want. What we need are real
mavericks. These people don’t just break the rules – they barely even knew them
in the first place. Do you have any issues with any of my choices?
Chief: Yes.
Commish: What ones?
Chief: All of them. All six of these officers are
suspended from duty at the moment.
Commish: Good. So that means I’m not taking them off
active duty – I’m not depriving you of any of any of your men.
Chief: These people are a menace to society.
Commish: How so? Okay – what about Detective Westwood?
Chief: Harry Westwood is a brutal and violent man. I remember
my last run-in with him.
(Fade into FLASHBACK)
Chief: Westwood – get in my damn office.
HW: Yes Chief.
Chief: What the hell happened with the suspect – how in
blazes did he end up in the hospital?
HW: What – you told me to throw the book at him.
Chief: Dammit Westwood, I know you beat that prisoner up.
You’re in deep trouble for this you psycho.
HW: Well it was your orders.
Chief: No I did not say to do that.
HW: Yes you did. You told me to throw the book at him. So
I did. I got a book and threw it at him. Repeatedly. In the face.
Chief: I meant that as a phrase – as in charge him.
DH: Oh, ‘charge’ him. So you meant use a Taser?
(Fade back to PRESENT)
Chief: So you see Commissioner Thompson that’s why I
suspended him.
Commish: Ah but he gets the job done.
Chief: Yeah, sort of. But his arrest rates are among the
lowest.
Commish: How come?
Chief: Because you don’t need to put handcuffs on
corpses.
Commish: Chief Clayton, it’s a war out there on the
streets. According to the talkback radio my media monitors tell me about. In a
war sometimes you need men who’ll do what needs to be done. He’s in. It’s
decided.
Chief: Well what about Beauregard Brady – you do know
he’s uncouth, unfit, and he’s actually pretty dodgy?
Commish: Sometimes you need people who live in the grey
areas. The law isn’t always black and white.
Chief: Actually the law is pretty black and white.
Breaking the law is breaking the law.
(Fade into FLASHBACK)
Chief: Good work Brady on breaking up that armed robbery
in that illegal bookie shop.
Beau: Thanks Chief. This fine Southern gentleman has done
it again. (sounds of eating, drinking through straw). Milkshake and burger –
food of kings.
Chief: But what I can’t work out is why you were there in
the first place?
Beau: I had a tip from an informant, Billy the Lips.
Chief: What, Billy the Lips – never heard of him. You
don’t have a registered informant named Billy – why isn’t this informant
registered?
Beau: Nah, he’s not that kind of informant. He gave me a
hot tip on the fifth at the greyhounds.
Chief: What! You were placing a bet? You cannot have an
account in an illegal betting shop in your name.
Beau: Don’t worry – I used a fake name to setup the
account. (milkshake sound)
Chief: That’s it Brady – you’re suspended.
Beau: Hey now, hang on now, I protest. Just wait a second
now. (milkshake sound) Suspended with pay, right?
Chief: Pay? You want to be paid?
Beau: The Union won’t stand for suspension without pay.
Chief: Dammit then – I don’t care. I’ll suspend you even
if it has to be suspension with pay. Stupid Union rules.Beau: My granddaddy would be rolling in his grave to hear me say it. But praise the Union.
Chief: Get out of my office – you’re leaving crumbs
everywhere.
(Fade back to PRESENT)
Commish: Well, you’re paying him already.
Chief: Well what about John McBlain?
Commish: How could you possibly object to this man? He is
a hero – awarded the city’s highest honour four times.
Chief: Yeah and he does that by wading into shitstorms
and getting everyone else killed. He’s lost 4 partners in just the last year.
(Fade into FLASHBACK)
Chief: Dammit McBlain – what the hell were you thinking,
wading in there without waiting for backup?
McBlain: I got the job done didn’t I?
Chief: At what cost – I just got word back. Your partner
didn’t pull through – Comiskey’s dead John.
McBlain: (yelling) Comiskey!
Chief: Shutup Stop yelling. I can’t have you keep going
all Rambo again on us. You’re a danger to everyone else on the force.
McBlain: What – are you gonna suspend me?
Chief: I don’t know what I’m gonna do with you.
McBlain: Come on do it – suspend me. Come on!
Chief: What? You want to be suspended? You’re suspended.
McBlain: Yes.
(Fade back to PRESENT)
Chief: About the only good thing about him is we don’t
have to pay him half the time because he’s always suspended. And even then
while he’s suspended he goes and brings down the bad guys but since he’s
suspended we don’t have to pay him for it. But don’t get me started on his damn
one-liners.
Commish: He’s in – it’s decided. I want him.
PART 2
Commish: What problem do you have with Officer Stacey
Chester?
Chief: I don’t know if she’s a feminist or a skank or
what.
(Fade into FLASHBACK)
Chief: Dammit Chester, you’re on thin enough ice as it
is.
Chester: What – all the men in the office are staring at
my breasts and it’s my fault? You’re so sexist. How can you blame me for them
ogling me?
Chief: Because you took your damn top off.
Chester: It was hot.
Chief: No it ain’t. We got air conditioning. You can’t
walk around completely topless.
Chester: What, because I’m a woman?
Chief: Well, yes.
Chester: Why?
Chief: I can think of 2 reasons it’s inappropriate.
Chester: What?
Chief: Those 2 things right there.
Chester: How dare you? (slaps him)
Chief: What the hell – you just slapped me in the face.
You’re suspended.
Chester: You can’t handle the fact that I’m a woman can
you?
Chief: No, I can’t handle you.
Chester: Another strong independent woman railroaded by
this boy’s club.
Chief: Get out of my office. And for god’s sake put on a
shirt – I’m a married man.
(Fade back to PRESENT)
Commish: Really? She sounds like a fine officer. Does she
regularly take her top off?
Chief: She’s crazy. But not as crazy as Aldo Gibson. He’s
literally crazy. (2:40)(8:20)
Commish: But isn’t he an accomplished detective?
Chief: Oh yeah – he’s great – well he used to be. Well,
he would still be great – if he didn’t spend half his time with the police
shrink. He’s got more neuroses than … a guy with a lot of neuroses.
(Fade into FLASHBACK)
Chief: Dammit Gibson – what the hell went down at the
Johnson murder scene? We got a fingerprint from the killer on a coffee mug …
and you wiped the damn mug.
Gibson: It was dirty. So dirty. I had to clean it.
Chief: I’ve had it up to my neck with you Gibson – and
I’m 6’3’’ so that’s a lot to have it up to. What the hell is wrong with you?
Gibson: Errr. Stop yelling at me daddy.
Chief: I’m not your daddy? My god Gibson – you’re a
wreck. Are you even listening to me you nutbag? Stop cleaning crumbs of the
floor. You’re suspended.
Gibson: That’s it – I’ve solved it.
Chief: What, the Johnson murder case?
Gibson: No, why my cat always hacks up furballs on
Tuesdays. I’ve been spending every waking moment trying to figure it out.
Chief: What – who cares. You’re suspended.
Gibson: Stop yelling at me.
(Fade back to PRESENT)
Chief: And if you think he’s got problems – he’s not as
bad as your sixth pick – Madson.
Commish: Why not – he’s a genius. An actual genius – an
IQ of 160.
Chief: Oh yeah he’s smart alright. Too smart for his own
damn good.
(Fade into FLASHBACK)
Chief: Madson – you arrested Mrs Greerly?
Madson: Yes, I believe I did Chief Clayton. She denies it
but I am sure of it.
Chief: How did you know she was the killer?
Madson: A case of simple deduction my dear fellow. We had
4 suspects – it had to be one of these people. Now we know from the wounds on
the body that the killer bludgeoned the victim with a wrench held in their
left-hand. 3 of the suspects are right-handed but Mrs Greerly is left-handed –
thus it was her.
Chief: Is that it?
Madson: Yes indeed.
Chief: That’s the basis of your whole case against Mrs
Greerly?
Madson: Exactly so.
Chief: Okay – now I would like you to observe something.
Madson: Observation is my specialty – I miss nothing.
Chief: Now I’ll assume you know I’m right-handed.
Madson: Indeed.
Chief: So now observe as I roll this newspaper up and put
it in my left –hand … and proceed to beat you with it.
Madson: Not my face.
Chief: You nincompoop. You charge someone based on
something that flimsy. That evidence ain’t gonna stand up in court. Have you
ever watched baseball – people throw with the right hand but bat with left-handed?
This case is gonna get thrown out of court – the judge is gonna have my balls
for breakfast. And we’re gonna get sued big time for wrongful arrest. I’m gonna
suspend your ass.
(Fade back to PRESENT)
Chief: Not just that – we suspect he has a drug
addiction.
Commish: What’s wrong with that?
Chief: Uh. He literally can’t be on the squad anyway. Since
he was suspended no-one’s heard of him for 8 months. Rumour has it he travelled
to Burma and is holed up in an opium den.
Commish: Reminds me of my gap year. Uh, I meant the Burma
part.
Chief: Well, I say one thing about him – he belongs on a
crack squad – literally a crack squad. So that’s it – this is my elite
crime-fighting unit? Commissioner Thompson, can’t we go a different way with
this? I’ve got some ideas of good men and women- fine upstanding officers.
Straight as an arrow, dependable people.
Commish: No, that won’t do. We need people who don’t
follow the rules, people who follow their own tune. People who do it their own
way.
Chief: Um, Commissioner I-
Commish: No, the answer to crime isn’t a police force
full of intelligent, diligent and professional officers. How could they get the
job done?
Chief: Can I at least get some more funding?
Commish: No. Hey you doing anything after this, Chief
Clayton?
Chief: Man, its half past 10 – I got to get home to my
lady.
Commish: Really? You want go out clubbing?
Chief: Uh, I’ll pass sir.
Commish: 10am tomorrow your squad will meet in your
office.
Chief: Sir, is tonsillitis covered under our health plan?
Commish: I assume so, why?
Chief: Because I’m gonna destroy my tonsils from all the
yelling I’m gonna have to do with these fools.
Voiceover: Can our intrepid crew bring the criminals to
justice and prove their worth? Can they even turn up on time at 10am? Or will
they still be sleeping off various hangovers? Tune in next time for another
exciting instalment of … Maverick Squad.
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